Fairlane Story

The V8 engine fitted was the 289ci engine, similar to the XR Falcon.

Confusion

CONFUSION !

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.

On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now; The man should be here soon.'

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.'

'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?'

'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'

After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!'

'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different
positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

'My, that's a lot!' gasped Mrs. Smith.

'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that.'

'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

'Oh my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

'And these twins turned out exceptionally well -when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with.'

'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

'Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look.'

'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too.

The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.

Finally! , when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.'

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?'

'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.'

'Tripod?'

'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

Mrs. Smith fainted.........

I bet I can guess

It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers."
"That's right!" the boy said, "But, how did you know?"
"Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."
"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl.
"Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held he package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue.
"Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with some excitement.
The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with more excitement.
The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"
With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!" SURPRISE!

Stray penguin

A guy found a penguin and showed him to a policeman.
The policeman said, "Take that penguin to the zoo, now."

Next day the policeman sees the man with the penguin again.

The policeman stops the guy and says, I told you yesterday to take the penguin to the Zoo, what on earth are you doing with the penguin in your truck again?"

The guy says, "What is there to do? Yesterday I took him to the zoo and today I'm taking him to the movies."

Fairlane Story

The interior of the ZA was quite plush and the dash had comprehensive instrumentation with auxilliary gauges.

Two people

“Whenever two people meet, there are really six people present. There is each man as he sees himself, each man as the other person sees him, and each man as he really is.” William James, psychologist

Relationship formulae

Smart man + Smart Woman = Romance
Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy
Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Affair
Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Marriage

Fairlane Story

Another photo from the ZA brochure shows the added area between the rear door and the rear wheel well. This became a distinguishing feature of the ZA to ZH Fairlanes.

The ZA featured unique tail-lights with the indicators centred and surrounded in the rectangular lenses.



This feature is one of the easier ways of differentiating the ZA from the ZB.

Silliness

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.
The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

OK, coach

The football team was getting clobbered. The first-string quarterback was injured. The second-string quarterback was injured. Even the punter was injured. All the coach had left was their third-stringer who had yet to play a down all year. He pulled the quarterback aside. "Look son, we can't afford to let them score again. We've got to run some time off the clock. Here's what I want you to do."

"On first down, run it to the left. On second down, run it to the right. On third down run it up the middle. The, on fourth down, punt it as far as you can punt it. "OK coach!" said the quarterback.

On first down he ran it to the left for 30 yards. On second down he ran it to the right for 40 more. On third down he ran it up the middle down to the one yard line. Then, on 4th down, the quarterback dropped back and punted the ball right out of the end zone.

When he got to the sideline, the coach was screaming! "What were you thinking?!!!?!!!"

The quarterback replied, "I was thinking I must be playing for the dumbest coach in the world."

Fairlane Story

The ZA Fairlane was a clever extension of the XR Falcon, featuring a longer wheelbase - most obviously seen in the greater distance of bodywork between the trailing edge of the rear doors and the rear wheel well - and an extanded and heightened boot area. The four headlights immediately added an upmarket feel to the whole car.

Constructive Criticism

By Dr. Peter Honey

Praising is an essential tool to reinforce good behaviour but it is diminished in its effect without criticism. I like to think that whenever you criticize, both parties have the opportunity to learn – a good culture to adopt at work is one where learning is the name we give to our mistakes. Remember however, that it is the contrast between praise and criticism that makes them both so effective. If you spend all your time praising it will soon lose its potency to motivate and if you spend all your time criticizing you will quickly lose the respect of your colleagues or the love of your close ones.

Remember too not to mix praise and criticism in the same conversation – we have all experienced the lukewarm ‘praise’ beginning to a meeting with the boss quickly followed by the real purpose – a criticism. My own philosophy is that ‘everything before the ‘but’ at these meetings is instantly forgotten and that as a result both the praise and criticism are diminished.

The first problem most people have when being criticized is to become defensive and consequently learn very little. So what tactics should we employ to turn destructive criticism into constructive criticism? Dr. Peter Honey advises:

1. Always criticize the action not the person. This is more dispassionate and less accusatory. Never criticize the person, rather something they have done that doesn’t meet your approval.
2. Always give specifics and avoid sweeping generalizations. It is the examples and details that contains the ‘learning’.
3. Always give suggestions on what the person can do to improve. The solutions are the keys or building blocks of constructive criticism.
4. Always invite the other person to join you in thinking of ideas to improve. Don’t make it a monologue where you make all the suggestions.
5. Always be assertive in your criticism in an honest straightforward way. Avoid half truths, gossip and bringing in other people names.
6. Always criticize in private and never in front of others. Public criticism will humiliate the person and bystanders will often take sides – and it might not be yours!

Hey lady

A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store.
The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious!
She stormed past the store to her work.
On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." She was incredibly ticked now.
The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly."
The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after work theparrot called to her, "Hey lady."
She paused and said,"Yes?"
The bird said, "You know."

Fairlane Story

The ZA Fairlane brochure cover.

Curriculum-Development Group Urges Focus Shift to Whole Child

By Vaishali Honawar Published: March 26, 2007
The definition of a successful student has to change from one whose achievement is measured solely on the basis of test scores to one who is healthy, emotionally and physically inspired, engaged in the arts, and prepared for employment in a global economy, a report says.

Prepared by the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development’s Commission on the Whole Child, the report, released this month, says educational practice and policy today are concentrated overwhelmingly on testing gains. But academic achievement cannot happen without significant emphasis on other factors, including student engagement, personalized learning, and skilled and caring teachers, it adds.
“We need to rethink what education of the whole child means and make sure every student has access to a rich and challenging curriculum that pays attention to other aspects,” she added, pointing out that research shows students who feel connected to their community tend to do better academically.

Tough Sell?

The report includes several recommendations for school districts, communities, states, and the federal government. Under one recommendation on cultivating a healthy child, for instance, districts are urged to collaborate with local health and social-service agencies to ensure access to health care, offer healthy food options, and provide programs in physical and health education.

States, meanwhile, can provide incentives for schools to eliminate non-nutritional food and snacks, the report says, and the federal government can provide incentives and funding for effective health, nutrition, and school-readiness programs. The ASCD report “says that when you educate the whole child, you can count on academic growth as well, even if that’s not the primary intent,” Mr. Magnani said. But, he added, it might take some effort to convince lawmakers, who are now focused on academic gains because of the federal mandates of the No Child Left Behind Act. “Legislators and policymakers would want to know how the whole-child compact correlates with academic achievement. If they don’t get an answer to that, they won’t embrace it,” he said.

Some Schools Praised

The report highlights a handful of schools and one state for their whole-child approach. At the 200-student Quest High School outside Houston, students are actively involved in curriculum writing. They prepare, assess, and monitor their own wellness plans, including physical, social, and emotional health.
Compact for Learning

The Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development is calling on policymakers to fulfill a new compact that would enable each student to:
• Enter school healthy and learn about and practice a healthy lifestyle.
• Learn in an intellectually challenging environment that is physically and emotionally safe for students and adults.
• Actively engage in learning and be connected to the school and broader community.
• Have access to personalized learning and to qualified, caring adults.
• Be prepared for success in college or further study and for employment in a global environment.

SOURCE: Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development

Change course

ugh the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: “Change your course 10 degree east.”
The light signals back: “Change yours, 10 degrees west.”
Angry, the captain sends: “I’m a navy captain! Change your course, sir!”
“I’m a seaman, second class,” comes the reply. “Change your course, sir.”
Now the captain is furious. “I’m a battleship! I’m not changing course!”
There is one last reply. “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.”

Bonnets

Thinking Like a Teacher; LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH

As teachers, we want to have a positive classroom atmosphere. We want our students to look forward to coming to school in the morning, to love being in our classrooms, to enjoy learning. Any teacher who does not delight in those things has made a truly bad career choice. No one enters the teaching profession wanting to nag and criticize, but many teachers end up doing so every day. At the beginning of their careers, those teachers wanted to be positive. But, wanting to be positive and having the skills to pull it off are miles apart.

It is the undying hope of green teachers that if they just love their students and are nice to them, everything will turn out fine. That is the sweet dream of the uninitiated. It will get a smile from anyone more experienced in raising children. To succeed, you will need both love and skill. Love without expertise is powerless.
One of the key skills of successful teaching is meaning business. Any teacher can tell you that you have to mean business. But, how do you do that?

Meaning business involves your entire being. It is mental, emotional, and physical. In this segment, we will look at the mental aspect of meaning business. The mental part of meaning business centres on a clear understanding of consistency -- consistency when setting limits on children's obnoxious behaviour. Effective teachers and parents are consistent, but they are consistent within the context of nurturance. Perhaps a story about my mom will set the tone.

NO MEANS NO

My mum had been a schoolteacher, and I never doubted that she meant business. I have very clear memories of her meaning business. I remember one time bugging my mom for something to eat in the late afternoon after my little playmate had gone inside for a snack of gingerbread. I deserved gingerbread too. I opened my negotiations where all children begin their negotiations, at whine level number one.
"Mum, can I have something to eat? Tommy's getting gingerbread."
My mother turned from the stove and said, "Fred, I'm going to have this meal on the table in 45 minutes. Now, I don't want to ruin your appetite."
Naturally, I escalated the negotiations to whine level number two.
"But Mum, can't I have something? Don't we have some ginger snaps? I'm hungry!"
My mother said, "Fred, I am not going to give you a snack now and then watch you sit at the dinner table and just peck at your food."
My mother always used bird analogies when describing my eating habits as a child. But, I knew what to do.
I went to whine level number three without missing a beat.
"But this isn't fair! Tommy gets gingerbread. Can't I have something?"
My mother put down her spatula and turned slowly to face me. She looked at me intently as she wiped her hands on her apron and said, "Fred, I said no, and no means no."
I couldn't just let go of it. After all, life had been unfair.
"But why can't I? Tommy gets..."
I was cut off in mid-sentence. My mother, with eyes squarely focused on mine, said, "Fred, I am not going to stand here and listen to your yammering. ('Yammering' was my mother's code for, 'You are really pushing it.') You may either go outside to play, or you may open your mouth one more time and end up sitting on the stairs until dinner."
My sense of injustice must have been profound.
"But, why can't I..."

Those were the last words spoken. My mother stood before me with eyes fixed and finger pointing to the stairs. I felt something inside wilt. I knew it was over. I was silently ushered to the stairs to sit.

I must have been there for 45 minutes. Mother finished preparing dinner, and Dad came home from work. My older brother, Tom, came home from playing up the street and was given a quick gesture to leave when he started to ask me why I was sitting on the stairs. Mother set the table and called Dad and Tom to dinner. When they were all seated, Mother turned to me and, without a trace of upset in her voice, said, "You may join us now." I was grateful. And I learned that Mum was not fooling around when she said, "No."

I have no idea how many times I was sent to the stairs while growing up, but I am sure that it was more than once. From those experiences, I learned two very important lessons about parenting that served me well in later life:
Rule #1 -- No means no. Rule #2 -- I am not going to stand here and listen to your yammering.

CONSISTENCY

Consistency is a word that everyone knows but few people understand. We all know that it has something important to do with child rearing. But, exactly how does it work? Consistency permits only two conditions. You are consistent or you are inconsistent. There is nothing in between.
The irony of consistency is that the closer you come to being consistent before you fail, the worse off you are. If the parent cracks easily, the child does not need to be a world-class yammerer in order to succeed. But, if the parent does not crack easily, the child must learn to play hardball in order to win. By making kids work hard in order to win, we train them to be ruthless and persistent.

THINKING LIKE A TEACHER

If you want to act like a teacher, you must think like a teacher. For starters, you must be truly consistent. Very consistent won't make it. We all know how obnoxious brat behaviour is. We have friends and loved ones who have raised brats. We shake our heads when thinking about their weenieism and say to ourselves, "That will never happen in my classroom." But beware! Weenieism can sneak up on even the most experienced of teachers. It can easily go unnoticed.

You owe me a drink

At a bar, one patron to another: “Excuse me but I think you owe me a drink.”
Why?
“You’re so ugly that I dropped mine when I saw you”

Medical records

A worker from a Sydney hospital (Dee Why) came the following:

Well I would hate to poke fun at the medical profession because we all know, it is full of the most intelligent, well respected, broad minded, confident and worldly people, but here are some statements taken from the medical records which proves categorically that sleep deprivation and medicine do not mix!!!

1) The patient refused Autopsy.

2) The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3) Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital

4) On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

5) The Patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

6) The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993

7) Discharge Status: Alive but without permission.

8) Healthy appearing decrepit 60-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

9) Patient has waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

10) She is numb from her toes down.