Help or Harm

by Jim Stovall

Anyone who attains a minimal level of success or even a degree of enlightenment understands that there is no true and lasting achievement without helping others and making a difference in the world around you. While most everyone would agree on the fact that they want to help others, the act of helping another person is not as easy to identify as you might think.

Abraham Lincoln said, "The worst thing you can do for anyone you care about is anything that they can do on their own."
People who are given things, opportunities, and solutions without earning or paying for them often are harmed more than they are helped. Wealth without work, position without effort, and remedy without resource is seldom positive in the long run.

The majority of lottery winners are in worse financial condition five years after their winning number is called than they were before playing the lottery. They suffer a much higher divorce rate and instance of drug abuse and alcoholism.

At some point in life, all mature people learn that actions have consequences -- either good or bad. The sooner we can learn this lesson, the more productive and peaceful life we will have. If you shelter a child from all consequences of their decisions, you may protect them temporarily from a few bumps or scrapes.

Unfortunately, you may relegate them to making a poor decision during a life or death situation. We all need to learn that the stove is hot--one time--the hard way. From then on, we are cautious around stoves and begin to consider the consequences of other decisions.

Any study of successful people in our society will reveal a disproportionate number of underprivileged immigrants achieving great success in a relatively short period of time. There is nothing innate about financial struggles, language barriers, and cultural challenges that make people succeed. It is simply that enduring problems and overcoming barriers is a habit that, once learned, carries over into every area of our lives.

That person that turned you down for help may have done you the greatest favor of all. Self-reliance and independence are critical parts of succeeding in life. All of us have received a hand up at one time or another, and hopefully have offered the same to those coming along behind us; but it is important to be sure that we are helping and not harming those that we care about.

As you go through your day today, look for ways to assist others, and eliminate any harm you're doing by trying to help in ways people can perform on their own.

Four Ways to Accelerate Your Goal Achievement

Most everyone has goals. And even if you don`t have them clearly defined and written down (if that`s you, why not?), you likely have some sense of where you want to go. If you have neither, this article isn`t really for you. But if either of the first two things is true for you then this article is absolutely for you; because if you have goals, I`m guessing you`d like to reach them faster. The sole purpose of setting a goal is reaching the goal, and in most instances, getting to the goal faster would be a good thing! It doesn`t matter if you are behind on your goal plan (or the deadline is coming up quickly), if you are overwhelmed by the amount you have to do, or whatever your reason is for wanting to "pick up the pace", the four actions that follow will accelerate your progress and move you towards your goals faster.

1. Remind Yourself Why

You set the goal for a reason. There is some purpose or series of benefits that will come to you when the goal is reached. You know what these reasons are, right? If you don`t, stop here and determine them before you do anything else.

Here are some examples.

Your goal is to lose weight so you will have more energy, feel better about yourself or attract a mate (or wow them at your class reunion). Your goal is to complete the project on time in order to better serve Customers or earn a bonus (in order to take that Mediterranean cruise). Your goal is to complete the reorganization so that Customers will be happier, productivity can be improved and people can get settled into their new jobs quickly (so the lives of those you lead can become more normal again).

There may be many "reasons why" for any goal you set. You must know them, you must remind yourself of them, and you must recognize that all "whys" aren`t created equally.
Notice how powerful and personal the above ones in parentheses are? Those are the why`s that will keep you moving forward towards your goals when you are frustrated, tired or discouraged.

2. Take Daily Action

I really can`t say it any clearer than this. If you want to accelerate your progress towards your goals, you simply must take more of the actions required to reach those goals. Take at least one tangible action towards the ultimate goal every day. Cleaning your desk or organizing your files doesn`t count. If you need to do these types of things, great, but that isn`t progress towards your goal (unless your goal is a consistently clean office). Forget the busy work, and get to work. One task every day. Want to move even faster? Take more action! Do two or three tasks every day. Make them tangible and directly related to the goals. As you take action, and see progress and have success, you create more energy. The greater energy you create allows you to take more action and have more success.
This virtuous cycle is a major key to accelerating your progress towards your goals.
Want to reach your goal faster? Take action today, and every day. Start now.

3. Learn Something

There is a complete and direct linkage between goals and learning. The achievement of every goal requires learning.
If you already knew everything required, chances are a goal wouldn`t be needed. In fact there are two major components to the achievement of your goals - action (which we just talked about) and learning (which we`re talking about now).

When you choose to learn things required for achieving your goals, you create:

* New abilities and skills you need for success.
* New insights or mindsets that create success.
* New information that causes you to be inspired and creates energy.

All of these things create speed in goal achievement.

When you combine steps two and three you have even faster achievement. Note: One of your daily tasks could be to learn something. This is a great daily action. But be forewarned, learning something every day, by itself, isn`t enough.

Learning is a cornerstone to goal achievement, so as you learn more you accelerate your progress.

4. Get Help

There is no such thing as a self made man (or woman). We all need help and support to reach our goals, if even indirectly. Even if you could reach your goals completely alone, why would you want to? Get your ego out of the equation and you will speed up your progress. Other people can provide:

* Support
* A pair of hands to help
* Knowledge
* Experience
* A referral
* Encouragement
* And a thousand other things.

There is no need to go it alone, to do so is silly and non- productive.

To reach your goals faster, get help and build a team.

These four steps will help you reach any goal faster. They also will help you as a leader in helping teams and individuals do the same.

Start today by looking at any current goal you would like to achieve faster, then put these ideas in place. Rest assured your future success will come much faster than if you don`t.

Potential Pointer: If you want to accelerate progress towards your goals, remain clear on why you want to reach the goal, take daily action towards it, continue to learn things that support your goal and enlist the help and support of others. When you take these four steps, you are on your way to greater success sooner!

The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee. A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed. "Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favourite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else---the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."


One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled and said, "I'm glad you asked." The coffee just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

The Little Things Make the Difference

by Bob Proctor

It has often been said the line which separates winning from losing is as fine as a razor's edge. One person "just about" starts a project, the other person starts it. One individual "almost" completes a task, the other does complete it. One person sees an opportunity, the other acts on it. One student "nearly" passes the exam, the other does pass it - and although the difference in their marks may be only one percentage point out of a hundred, it's that one point that makes all the difference.

In 1947, ARMED - the first race horse in the history of United States' racing to win over one million dollars in prize money over the duration of his career - had earnings of $761,500. But the horse which finished second in earnings that same year - a horse which often lost races a mile long by only "a nose" - won only $75,000.

Now, if one were to look at their winnings alone, it would appear that ARMED was thirteen times better than his closest competitor. However, when you compare "the times" that were actually registered by those two horses in their races, you discover he really wasn't even four percent superior!

Think of how your results would change if you improved your performance by just one or two percent.

Setting goals

SETTING GOALS – a great way to start each year

Nothing is more frustrating than a team with no goals. Sports teams have it easy: their goal -- winning the championship -- is built in. Are our goals in schools as easy to identify? The tricky part is that each individual teacher will have goals that sit upon three different hierarchical layers…

• School-wide goals. These should be obvious, but they're not. It takes time to isolate and elucidate an all-systems goal. The questions we ask of the staff during the process should include
--- What is non-negotiable to us?
--- What will we do no matter what?
--- What do we expect to accomplish through our work?
--- What is our "Hedgehog Concept"? (Jim Collins, in Good to Great, defines this as the clarity and drive with which the organization will produce long-term results.)

• A Team and B Team goals. These (preordained and ordained) teams have their own challenges, their own focal points, and their own interests. Their goals, while aligning with the school-wide, hedgehog-concept goal, will likewise have a particular slant. This is good, and this is where the real action is. If the teams have focus and clarity of vision, they can move mountains. (Vesuvius, for example, which, according to dated rocks, is at least 300,000 years old).

• Individual goals. As unique and special human beings, every member of the teaching staff brings different experiences, preferences, training, strengths, weaknesses, and vices to the job. It is our responsibility to work with each individual to connect the dots between the school-wide goal, the team goals, and the needs of that individual to belong, improve, and perform within those frameworks. So individuals have their own, duly related goals.

FLUID GOALS

In reference to goals, we have all heard the acronym SMART -- Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Results-oriented, and Timebound. We know what the terms mean, but the one that frequently muddles our goal-setting process is the T. Timebound. In the school setting, our mindset is to assign designated lengths of time to goals -- often a full 10-month school year. The problem there is that, though tidy for record-keeping purposes, rarely is there a goal that requires precisely 10 months of development, work, support, tinkering, evaluating, and revamping to be successfully achieved. Effective goals are unique, fluid, flexible, and shifting. If an A Team only needs to drill deeply into problem-solving strategies for six weeks to complement the school-wide "Math Hub" goal, then let them work together for six weeks, analyze their results, and extend or select a new goal. There are more goals buried in the nether-lands of poor time-framing than there are bodies adorned with concrete boots at the bottom of Lake Tahoe (and that is a lot, according to local legends).

The true issue is the development of individuals, teams, and teaching staffs to better meet the needs of our students. We, as school leaders, can demonstrate that we share those goals, and that we have the flexibility and with-it-ness to allow for teams to chart their own course and navigate their own waters, even if they flow like the Sebaskachu River in central Labrador (which meanders like crazy but follows one undeniable hedgehog concept: gravity).

Pathways

"The future is not some place we are going, but one we are creating. The paths are not to be found, but made. And the activity of making them changes both the maker and their destination." - John Schaar

Interview question

Job Interview Question

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car?

Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again.

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer.
He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend, and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams."
Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."

Live your own life

"We don't always know what makes us happy. We know, instead, what we think SHOULD. We are baffled and confused when our attempts at happiness fail...We are mute when it comes to naming accurately our own preferences, delights, gifts, talents. The voice of our original self is often muffled, overwhelmed, even strangled, by the voices of other people's expectations. The tongue of the original self is the language of the heart." -- Julie Cameron

We are each unique beings with a unique path in life. If we wish to be fulfilled, we need to go to our own hearts for direction. We might regularly ask ourselves:
- "What do I really want to do?"
- "What brings me greatest happiness?"
- "How can I bring more of these into my life?"

Life wants us to go for what brings us most joy and meaning.

"It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. ...I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing." -- Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Generosity

"Sometimes when we are generous in small, barely detectable ways it can change someone else's life forever."" - Margaret Cho, American comedian

Good Things Come to Those Who Ask

By Jack Carnfield

Asking for what you need is probably the most underutilized tool for people. And yet, amazing requests have been granted to people simply because they've asked for it! Whether its money, information, support, assistance, or time, most people are afraid to ask for what they need in order to make their dreams come true.

They might be afraid of looking needy, ignorant, helpless, or even greedy. More than likely, though, it is the fear of rejection that is holding them back. Even though they are afraid to hear the word no, they're already saying it to themselves by not asking! Do you ask for what you want? Are you afraid of rejection?

Consider this: Rejection is just a concept. There is really no such thing as rejection! You're not any worse off by hearing no than you were before you asked. You didn't have what you asked for before you asked and you still don't, so what did you lose?

Being rejected doesn't hold you back from anything. Only YOU hold yourself back. If you are told no, ask for what you'd have to do to get it, or ask again at another time when the circumstances have changed. Ask if they know someone else who might say yes. When you realize that there's no merit to rejection, you'll feel more comfortable asking for things. But you may need a bit of help learning how to ask for what you want.

First, ask as though you expect to get it. Be confident in your request coming from a perspective that there's no reason why you wouldn't get it. Or they say no, you can ask them why, or what you would need to do to get a yes. You might need to form a better business plan before you will get a loan. You might need to take a course in computers before you will get a promotion. You might need to spend more quality time with your family before you will get the loving support you need. By getting this feedback you are able to make adjustments and ask again with better chances of getting a yes.

Second, assume you can get what you want if you only ask for it. You want a window seat? Assume all you have to do is ask for it. You want an ocean view? Cheaper tickets? A scholarship? A better deal? Just ask for it as if that's all you have to do to get it.

And finally, be specific about what you want or need. Do you want to make $5,000 more a year? Then don't just ask for a raise. Ask for $5,000 more a year. Vague request produce vague results. Don't just ask for more time with your spouse, ask for a date on Friday night. Don't ask for help on a project, ask for what you want that person to take care of. Getting a good perspective on rejection and learning how to ask will make a world of difference for you as you work toward your goals. Practice asking and you'll get very good at it! You'll even speed your progress by getting what you need, or improving yourself in order to get it later. Make a list of what you need to ask for in all areas of your life, then start asking!

YOU BECOME WHAT YOU PRACTICE MOST

By Dr. Richard Carlson

Repeated practice is one of the most basic principles of all learning. In other words, whatever you practice most is what you will become. If you are in the habit of being uptight whenever life isn’t quite right, repeatedly reacting to criticism by defending yourself, insisting on being right, allowing your thinking to snowball in response to adversity or acting like life is an emergency, then, unfortunately, your life will be a reflection of this type of practice. You will be frustrated because, in a sense, you have practiced being frustrated.

Likewise, however, you can choose to bring forth into yourself qualities of compassion, patience, kindness, humility, and peace – again, through what you practice. I guess it’s safe to say that practice makes perfect. It makes sense, then, to be careful what you practice.

This isn’t to suggest that you make your entire life into a great big project where the goal is to be constantly improving yourself. Only that it’s immensely helpful to become conscious of your own habits, both internal and external.

Ask yourself these 4 important questions:

Where is your attention?

How do you spend your time?

Are you cultivating habits that are helpful to your stated goals?

Is what you say you want your life to stand for consistent with what your life really stands for?

Simply asking yourself these and other important questions, and answering them honestly, helps to determine which strategies will be most useful to you. Have you always said to yourself, “I’d like to spend more time by myself” or “I’ve always wanted to learn a new skill,” yet somehow you’ve never found the time? Sadly, many people spend far too much time washing their car, twittering, on facebook or watching reruns of television shows they don’t even enjoy than they do making time for aspects of their life that nurture their hearts. If you remember that what you practice you will become, you may begin choosing different types of practice.

Make friends with time

"We race to win, but at what price? Driven by the threat of time, we wonder why we feel so empty at the end of action-filled days." - Diana Hunt

Do you fly through each day with your eyes always on the clock? In western cultures, we’ve been taught that we need to impose our own order on life. As a result, we think we need to control every aspect of our day.

How might you enter into a new relationship with time? How might you take back the power you’ve given to the clock?

This is the time of your life. How are you spending it?

"When busyness is the measure of time, no matter how much time exists it is never enough." - Diana Hunt

What's draining your energy?

"Energy is equal to desire and purpose." - Sheryl Adams

What people, events or things drain your energy? What part of you is not going with the flow? What are you resisting? Plug your energy leaks and experience what it feels like to work on all cylinders.

"Everything you are against weakens you. Everything you are for empowers you." - Wayne Dyer

Nothing needs to be fixed

"Tolerance does not . . . do anything, embrace anyone, champion any issue. It wipes the notes off the score of life and replaces them with one long bar of rest. It does not attack error, it does not champion truth, it does not hate evil, it does not love good." - Walter Farrell

As we understand it, the spiritual journey is not about becoming perfect. It’s about acceptance, releasing judgment, and embracing everything in wholeness.
This is a great challenge for our personality. We’ve grown up comparing ourselves to others, always judging how we’re better and worse than those around us. And many of us are very good at finding fault with ourselves.

If we release judgment, then nothing needs to be fixed -- including you. Explore inviting your soul to help you accept all that is and experience a whole new way of living.

"Wherever you are is always the right place. There is never a need to fix anything, to hitch up the bootstraps of the soul and start at some higher place. Start right where you are." -- Julia Cameron

Ways you could be Losing Energy

A List of probabilities to be on the lookout for every day

accidents
addictions
allergies
anger
being controlled
being scattered
being unbalanced
being unfocused
boredom
broken boundaries
busyness
claustrophobia
compromise
conflicts
crisis
criticism
emotions
excessive self review
failure
fear
feeling threatened
feeling victimized
fights
guilt
having too many people around
high expectations
high humidity
high temperature
impatience
inertia
insults
jealousy
lack of sleep
lack of stimulation
laziness lengthy meetings
life changes
long ‘To Do’ lists
loss of esteem
loud noise
low self worth
manipulation
medications
negative encounters
negative news
negative self talk
nosy people
not knowing
orgasms
over giving
overeating
overwork
pain
perfectionism
physical changes
poor diet
procrastination
resentment
sadness
shame
shyness
sickness
stress
tardiness
technology
unfinished business
unscheduled events
weather
worry

Ways to Increase Your Energy

A List of Choices

align yourself
appreciate someone
be more accepting
be near or in water
breathe more deeply
brush your teeth
celebrate
center yourself
complete some tasks
create or appreciate art
cry
cuddle with someone or something
dance
day dream
do puzzles
do rituals
do something different
do things differently
dress up
drink more water
drive
eat
engage in sex
enjoy quality time
enjoy something pleasurable
enjoy the sunshine
exercise
fast
forgive someone
gardening
get hair or nails done
give to a charity
go shopping go to a show
ground yourself
have a massage
have a relaxing meal
hold hands with someone
hug
hug a tree
journal
laugh
learn new things
light candles
listen to or play music
make love
meditate
play
play with pets
pray
read
relax
receive compliments
reorganize
retreat
say ‘I Love you’
shower
sing
swim
take a holiday
take a nature walk
take time for yourself
take vitamins
use your hands
visit a friend
walk barefoot
write a self appreciation list

Study suggests good cheer may spread itself

By Maria Cheng , Boston Globe, AP Medical Writer / December 4, 2008

LONDON—When you're smiling, the whole world really does smile with you. A paper being published Friday in a British medical journal concludes that happiness is contagious -- and that people pass on their good cheer even to total strangers. American researchers who tracked more than 4,700 people in Framingham, Mass., as part of a 20-year heart study also found the transferred happiness is good for up to a year.

"Happiness is like a stampede," said Nicholas Christakis, a professor in Harvard University's sociology department and co-author of the study. "Whether you're happy depends not just on your own actions and behaviors and thoughts, but on those of people you don't even know."

While the study is another sign of the power of social networks, it ran through 2003, just before the rise of social networking Web sites like Friendster, MySpace and Facebook. Christiakis couldn't say for sure whether the effect works online.
"This type of technology enhances your contact with friends, so it should support the kind of emotional contagion we observed," he said.

Christakis and co-author James Fowler, of the University of California in San Diego, are old hands at studying social networks. They previously found that obesity and smoking habits spread socially as well.

For this study, published in the British journal BMJ, they examined questionnaires that asked people to measure their happiness. They found distinct happy and unhappy clusters significantly bigger than would be expected by chance.

Happy people tended to be at the center of social networks and had many friends who were also happy. Having friends or siblings nearby increased people's chances of being upbeat. Happiness spread outward by three degrees, to the friends of friends of friends.

Happy spouses helped, too, but not as much as happy friends of the same gender. Experts think people, particularly woman, take emotional cues from people who look like them.

Christakis and Fowler estimate that each happy friend boosts your own chances of being happy by 9 percent. Having grumpy friends decreases it by about 7 percent.
But it also turns out misery don't love company: Happiness seemed to spread more consistently than unhappiness. But that doesn't mean you should drop your gloomy friends.

"Every friend increases the probability that you're at the center of a network, which means you are more eligible to get a wave of happiness," Fowler said.
Being happy also brings other benefits, including a protective effect on your immune system so you produce fewer stress hormones, said Andrew Steptoe, a psychology professor at University College London who was not involved with the study.
But you shouldn't assume you can make yourself happy just by making the right friends.

"To say you can manipulate who your friends are to make yourself happier would be going too far," said Stanley Wasserman, an Indiana University statistician who studies social networks.

The study was only conducted in a single community, so it would take more research to confirm its findings. But in a time of economic gloom, it also suggested some heartening news about money and happiness.

According to the research, an extra chunk of money increases your odds of being happy only marginally -- notably less than the odds of being happier if you have a happy friend.

"You can save your money," Christakis said. "Being around happy people is better."

Fun Things To Do In An Elevator:

1. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
2. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
3. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
4. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
5. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
6. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral
7. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, motion sickness!"
8. Meow occasionally.
9. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
10. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

Nurturing the Self

"It is important while participating in a time line to take the time to nurture the self. There are many energies needing yours to navigate through their dramas. At the end of the day most of you feel depleted of the life force that ignites your own evolution. Your energy in a depleted state may cause mishap in the daily course.

We suggest a moment of contemplation whereas the personal energy of your own soul & physical can be recharged. The responsibility of others becomes over whelming when there's nothing left internally to be given.

It is not selfish to nurture the self. In fact it is the greatest giving to others because you actually have something to give. The exhaustion of such action may lead to depression and anxiety, leaving those who truly need your guidance void of any support.

Be kind to your self. Allow personal moments of comfort that lead to powerful replenishing. If you wish to love + nurture others your only recourse is to nurture the self."

Silence

“Practice silence and you will acquire silent knowledge. In this silent knowledge is a computing system that is far more precise and far more accurate and far more powerful than anything that is contained in the boundaries of rational thought.” -- Deepak Chopra

Eckhart Tolle recommends becoming aware of the spaces between words. He says that stillness brings awareness of silence, and it’s in the silence that we can experience being fully awake. Consciousness is beyond thought activity. There’s more power in the gaps between the words than in the words themselves.

“In the sweet territory of silence we touch the mystery. It’s the place of reflection and contemplation, and it’s the place where we can connect with the deep knowing, to the deep wisdom way.” -- Angeles Arrien