How's the weather?

60 above - People from Alice Springs wear coats, gloves, and wooly hats. Melbourne people sunbathe.
50 above - People from Darwin try to turn on the heat. Melbourne people plant gardens.
40 above - Italian cars won't start. Melbourne people drive with the windows down.
32 above - Melbourne's water gets thicker.
20 above - People from Brisbane shiver uncontrollably. Melbourne people have the last bbq before it gets cold.
15 above - Brisbane landlords finally turn up the heat. Melbourne people throw on a jumper.
0 degrees - Distilled water freezes. Sydney people move to Queensland. Melbourne people lick the flagpole and throw on a light jacket over the jumper.
20 below - People in Alice Spings cease to exist. Melbourne people get out their winter coats.
40 below - Adelaide disintegrates. Melbourne's Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.
60 below - Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica. Melbourne's Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it getscold enough.
80 below - Mount St. Helen's freezes. Melbourne people rent some videos.
100 below - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Melbourne people get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.
297 below - Microbial life survives on dairy products. Victoria's cows complain of farmers with cold hands.
460 below - ALL atomic motion stops. Melbourne people start saying. . ."Cold 'nuff for ya??"
500 below - Hell freezes over. The Melbourne Storm win the NRL Grand Final.