Philosophy of Life

1. If you’re too open-minded your brains will fall out.
2. Don’t worry about what people think; they don’t do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. It isn’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.
5. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
6. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
7. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
8. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
9. If you look like your passport photo, you probably need the trip.
10. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel good.
11. Men and from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
12. A balanced diet is a chocolate in each hand.
13. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
14. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and thrown away 3 weeks before you need it.
15. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
16. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.
17. By the time you make the ends meet, they move the ends.
18. Thou shall not weigh more than they refrigerator.
19. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
20. If you must choose between two evils, choose the one that you’ve never tried before.