Better Leadership Through Better Communication by Scott Love
I told my son about a movie that I rented last week. "It was called ‘Lord of the Rings,’ Dagsen." "What was in the movie, Daddy?" "It had kings, monsters, elves, and rings." "Did your movie have any bath tubs in it, Daddy?"
"No, son. There were no bath tubs in it." I tried not to ask, but I couldn’t help it. I finally had to know. "Dagsen, why did you ask if there were bath tubs in the movie?"
"Because of the rings," he responded. Ah, yes, of course. Bath tub rings. His interpretation of what I said reminded me of the time we were driving through our neighborhood and he asked me why houses have garages and carports. I told him that it was to protect the cars from the elements. When I told him this, he burst into laughter. "Daddy, you’re silly! There are no elephants in this neighborhood!"
When it comes to communication, there’s always a chance for an unanticipated misunderstanding. If we knew when misunderstandings were about to occur, we could head them off and be more specific and clear in our communication. But we can’t. All we can do is polish up our skills of conveying the message. To help people understand exactly what you are saying, your effectiveness in delivering your message needs to develop into a core competency. And your ability to clear up a misunderstanding should become a mastered skill.
Communication is a key element (not elephant) of leadership. It’s probably one of the most powerful tools in your management tool belt. Yet when was the last time you sharpened that skill? There are five key concepts that must be followed to prevent and manage misunderstandings.
1. First, when you communicate a message, you need to make sure the timing is appropriate for delivery to make sure the message is understood. Think about the time you had three radio stations playing at the same time. Not only is it confusing, it’s maddening, it’s irritating.
2. If you have to deliver bad news, anticipate the feelings that could be a derivative of the message. Anticipate, empathize, validate, and understand. If what you are saying is upsetting to the other person, you can’t tell them that their feelings aren’t valid. "You shouldn’t feel that way," or, "Don’t feel that way," will only cause their feelings of anxiety or whatever they are to transition to feelings of frustration and possibly move on to rage. There is a crisis of understanding in our society, and if the other person doesn’t feel understood and validated, then you’ve just lost points in the respect and affiliation game. All feelings are valid and your understanding of this will bring them closer to you. When Tom Nelson, CEO of Charlotte-based National Gypsum Company, was a White House Fellow he had a chance to observe Colin Powell’s leadership style. He saw that Powell was always congnizant and conscientious whenever he gave a command as to how that order would cause the troops to respond on an emotional level. Being sensitive to this doesn’t mean you are a pushover or that your focus on mission accomplishment is any less. It means that you are an empathic leader, and that you try to understand what’s going on in the hearts and minds of your team. Simply by doing this, you are more effective in how you issue those commands and you draw your followers closer to you as a leader, which is what every leader wants. When you lead this way your staff will respond with all their heart and soul to your requests, and sometimes that little difference makes all the difference in giving an organization a competitive edge. The enthusiasm and commitment energy of the team can help bring that team to a whole new level of innovation, performance and achievement, simply by you becoming a leader who can empathize on an emotional level in how you communicate.
3. When they do respond with emotions of anger, sorrow, or anything else that wasn’t exactly what you anticipated, you need to treat this single conversation as if it was your most important. Your attention must focus with intensity to resolving this misunderstanding. Close the door, press the ‘do not disturb’ button on your phone and put everything on the back burner until you resolve this issue.
4. Communicate back to them what you are perceiving. "You seem angry, Joe." This validates that you understand their emotions. People are finally starting to admit the fact that the world of work is filled with emotion.
5. It’s okay to disagree over something, as long as you convey understanding. As your conversation moves on, you could say, "I understand your feelings and they are valid. I can see your point. I do disagree on what we need to do, though, because. . ." Most people are fine with disagreeing on something as long as there is legitimate empathy and understanding between each other. They just want to be heard. When I was a young naval officer on a ship, I took the time to just listen to my sailors. Even if I disagreed with what they had said, they knew that I understood them and it made it that much easier for them to follow the order. When you empathize, you get the team to give their heart and soul, not just the bare minimum effort.
Follow these steps to ensuring that your message was met with understanding, and that your understanding of your team’s response is conveyed to them as well. It’s this little difference in how you deliver the message that makes all the difference in how people respond to your communication. And when it comes to leadership, communication is the sacred ring that keeps the team together.
Friday, September 30, 2005
Nonjudgmental Awareness
Tim Gallwey, college professor-turned tennis pro-turned corporate consultant, focuses his theory on the workplace. He says we have two internal voices: Self 1 is the teacher voice: "Do this. Don’t do that. What a lousy shot!" Self 2 is our human potential. We had it as children, learning to walk, for example, without any formal instruction. For most of us, our command-and-control Self 1 shouts down Self 2.
Gallwey proposes that our potential to learn and work productively, with enjoyment, comes only when we stop interfering with the process. To accomplish that, Gallwey offers three principles for learning and coaching: awareness, trust, and choice.
The Power of Nonjudgmental Awareness Rather than perceive an approaching ball—or work situation—as a threat, maintain a nonjudgmental focus on things as they are.
Trust in Self 2 Trust yourself and your natural capacity to learn. Let go of Self 1’s inferior control system. The heart of Gallwey’s process, this principle must be learned "over and over in each new situation."Keep Choice with the Choice-maker As coach or principal, you realize that A) command-and-control will meet with resistance, and B) "when choices for learning and change are allowed to be self-initiated and self-regulated, they become more comprehensive as well as more enjoyable
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Another interesting one
Take a look at this: http://www.funmansion.com/html/Magazine-Illusions.html It's a site dedicated to interesting blends of magazine pictures with people. You'll get the idea.
Time Management Tips
We all have the same number of hours in a day, it’s up to you how you use them. We all have different responsibilities, illness, holidays, change of job, relationships or lifestyle can all make an impact
COMMON SENSE RECORD KEEPING Keep only ONE diary, ONE calendar. ONE to do list. Use a small notebook instead of post it notes to avoid clutter. Create a list of birthdays, items on loan to others, CDs you’d like to buy, books you’d like to see, movies you want to watch... Keep all this information central. A list of your bank accounts, tax file number, health fund membership etc in a safe place. Customise a diary for a great way to store lottery tickets, shopping lists, day to day information that you need at your fingertips. Update information regularly and archive the old as back up.
SHORT ON TIME? “TAKE 5” A great way to tackle clutter and disorder is to “Take 5”. An example of this is the kitchen sink, where clutter can breed. Resolve to take action by taking 5 – put away, throw out, tidy, reassess or straighten five objects in that area. Don’t move away without touching 5 objects! This is also a great strategy if you feel overwhelmed and short on time. Works a treat with paper too. You’ll be organised in no time at all!
DELEGATE! Can certain tasks fall off your list altogether? Can someone assist? Can someone else take care of these tasks for you? Try not to be a control freak. It’s not in your best interests!
LEARN TO SAY NO If you’re over-extended, it might be because you’re not practiced at saying no. A reality check could be in order. Constant requests (or expectations from others) can lead to a shortage of hours in the day for you! You’d be amazed at how much more time you’ll have when you learn to say no. If saying no is a big problem for you, defer. When you are asked to do something that you’re not sure about, simply say “can I get back to you tomorrow?” This gives you a buffer zone to really consider if you want – and have the time – to commit.
SCHEDULE & PLAN AHEAD Make time for all the things on your To Do List – allocate time and write it in your diary! The rest is up to you to be disciplined to do it. If you had a Personal Assistant, he or she would manage your time. They would do that by planning and scheduling. Schedule time for you. Many disorganised folk NEVER do anything for themselves. They are living their lives for others (often family). It’s important to make time for you, to do things that are important to you whether it be gardening, relaxing, reading, studying or just time alone. Schedule time for the unexpected. If a task takes 45 minutes, allow 60 for interruptions or things that might go wrong. Chances are you’ll get it done in 45, and then have time up your sleeve.
FOCUS Don’t spread yourself thin. Having too much on the go means you’re setting yourself up to fail. Focus on one thing at a time. Flitting from one thing to the next means you are unlikely to do a job properly, or ever complete anything. Gather everything you need to perform a task from start to finish in the one place. It’s like the concept of gathering all the tools and ingredients to bake a cake before you start... It also means that you can give that task your full attention because you’re not distracted.
FINISH Aim to finish tasks. Decide what you need to do, and then set about doing it to completion. If it’s an on-going task, set yourself a goal date to finish. Learn to let go of things you have NOT FINISHED IN YEARS!! If you haven’t finished it by now, you are unlikely to do so in the near future. Leave the finished job behind you, you never have to come back to it.
USE A TIMER If focus is difficult for you, or interruptions commonplace, use a kitchen timer. Set to blocks of time (five, ten or fifteen minutes is good) if you find your attention wandering.
WORK UNINTERRUPTED Practice taking the phone off the hook (or let it go to message bank). Put a “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door. Ask others for some time and space so you can work uninterrupted.
A STITCH IN TIME... This is a valuable proverb. Do it right first time and you have made an investment in saving time. Flag articles you want to keep in a magazine. Better still, cut it out straight away! You will save time by not re-reading the magazine again. Always read with a pen, highlighter and sticky notes at hand Invest some time making sure your clothes are well sorted. Put all your trousers together, short sleeve shirts together, sporting clothes together etc. then block them into colour... you will see what you’ve got and find whatever you want in an instant. Make sure you pack away anything out of season to avoid confusion. Mend, launder or press any items in need of care. Lose anything too small, too big, the wrong cut, colour or fabric. It’s TODAY we’re talking about, not next year! Cook in bulk in the kitchen for quick meals from the freezer. Chopping veggies for a meal? Prepare twice the amount and you’ll have half the prep done for the next meal.
K.I.S.S. Making things complicated, creating something that’s complex does not serve your best interests. Follow the K.I.S.S rule - “Keep it Simple Stupid”. Keeping two diaries creates work for you when you have to transfer information between the two. Do you really need both? Cut back on non-essentials. Do you really LOVE making sixty hand-made Christmas cards each year? Feeling obliged to send a big whack of Christmas cards may be more important to you than it is to the recipients. Creating handwritten index cards for recipes is great.. if you have less than a dozen favourite recipes! Think about simplifying what you do and how you do it. Are you the Body Corporate secretary because no-one else put their hand up to do it?
PRIORITISING. Break down big jobs – scope the work by listing elements of the bigger picture. What’s the first step? The step after that? Note all the other steps and make sure to include the last tasks required to complete the project. What’s the most important thing I can be doing with my time right now? How can my energy best be spent? Eliminate stuff that is trivial (anything that has no long term consequences), or delegate.
DO IT NOW Write new phone numbers in your address book; put that CD away; make the two minute phone call. When you have photos developed, chuck the dodgy pics away immediately. Doing it later only serves to harm you. You will double handle, spend more energy, waste your valuable time. Don’t put it down – put it away! Or, if necessary – throw it away.
ASK YOURSELF Have I got better things to do with my time? Don’t reconcile your bank statements if you don’t have to. Don’t save newspapers because you’re “going to go through them...” Don’t tell yourself you’ll renovate that cupboard when you clearly won’t ever make the time.
KEEPING FAMILY LIFE REAL If you haven’t already, start by dropping your expectations. You will give yourself a breakdown if you feel your home always has to have a clean floor. Mess = life. That’s a good thing! Celebrate the activity that happens in your home. A home that looks lived in is normal. Magazine homes are often not. Photographers, Art Directors and Stylists are paid to make spaces look gorgeous – uncluttered and streamlined, but often wildly unrealistic (but you knew that, didn’t you?). Keep some balance though... “A place for everything and everything in it’s place” means you can always return items you’ll save time looking for “lost” things.
A COMMON MISTAKE – Procrastination Perfectionism is your enemy. Unsubscribe.
DOING THE RIGHT THING (effectiveness) Is more important than DOING THINGS RIGHT (efficiency) Focus on the right task, then focus on doing it properly. Watch your achievements grow...
Plan your time. Are you procrastinating because you’re allowing one little element to hold you up? Do it now! Effective and productive people FORCE themselves to do the tasks they least want to do. Do the toughest or worst part of the task first. Everything that follows will be easier. Procrastination will only make you feel bad, miss deadlines, miss opportunities, and stress you out. Don’t do it LATER. Organised people don’t do this. Later never comes. Do it now and cross it off the list. Daily achievements (no matter how small) and productivity mean staying motivated and feeling better about yourself.
COMMON SENSE RECORD KEEPING Keep only ONE diary, ONE calendar. ONE to do list. Use a small notebook instead of post it notes to avoid clutter. Create a list of birthdays, items on loan to others, CDs you’d like to buy, books you’d like to see, movies you want to watch... Keep all this information central. A list of your bank accounts, tax file number, health fund membership etc in a safe place. Customise a diary for a great way to store lottery tickets, shopping lists, day to day information that you need at your fingertips. Update information regularly and archive the old as back up.
SHORT ON TIME? “TAKE 5” A great way to tackle clutter and disorder is to “Take 5”. An example of this is the kitchen sink, where clutter can breed. Resolve to take action by taking 5 – put away, throw out, tidy, reassess or straighten five objects in that area. Don’t move away without touching 5 objects! This is also a great strategy if you feel overwhelmed and short on time. Works a treat with paper too. You’ll be organised in no time at all!
DELEGATE! Can certain tasks fall off your list altogether? Can someone assist? Can someone else take care of these tasks for you? Try not to be a control freak. It’s not in your best interests!
LEARN TO SAY NO If you’re over-extended, it might be because you’re not practiced at saying no. A reality check could be in order. Constant requests (or expectations from others) can lead to a shortage of hours in the day for you! You’d be amazed at how much more time you’ll have when you learn to say no. If saying no is a big problem for you, defer. When you are asked to do something that you’re not sure about, simply say “can I get back to you tomorrow?” This gives you a buffer zone to really consider if you want – and have the time – to commit.
SCHEDULE & PLAN AHEAD Make time for all the things on your To Do List – allocate time and write it in your diary! The rest is up to you to be disciplined to do it. If you had a Personal Assistant, he or she would manage your time. They would do that by planning and scheduling. Schedule time for you. Many disorganised folk NEVER do anything for themselves. They are living their lives for others (often family). It’s important to make time for you, to do things that are important to you whether it be gardening, relaxing, reading, studying or just time alone. Schedule time for the unexpected. If a task takes 45 minutes, allow 60 for interruptions or things that might go wrong. Chances are you’ll get it done in 45, and then have time up your sleeve.
FOCUS Don’t spread yourself thin. Having too much on the go means you’re setting yourself up to fail. Focus on one thing at a time. Flitting from one thing to the next means you are unlikely to do a job properly, or ever complete anything. Gather everything you need to perform a task from start to finish in the one place. It’s like the concept of gathering all the tools and ingredients to bake a cake before you start... It also means that you can give that task your full attention because you’re not distracted.
FINISH Aim to finish tasks. Decide what you need to do, and then set about doing it to completion. If it’s an on-going task, set yourself a goal date to finish. Learn to let go of things you have NOT FINISHED IN YEARS!! If you haven’t finished it by now, you are unlikely to do so in the near future. Leave the finished job behind you, you never have to come back to it.
USE A TIMER If focus is difficult for you, or interruptions commonplace, use a kitchen timer. Set to blocks of time (five, ten or fifteen minutes is good) if you find your attention wandering.
WORK UNINTERRUPTED Practice taking the phone off the hook (or let it go to message bank). Put a “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door. Ask others for some time and space so you can work uninterrupted.
A STITCH IN TIME... This is a valuable proverb. Do it right first time and you have made an investment in saving time. Flag articles you want to keep in a magazine. Better still, cut it out straight away! You will save time by not re-reading the magazine again. Always read with a pen, highlighter and sticky notes at hand Invest some time making sure your clothes are well sorted. Put all your trousers together, short sleeve shirts together, sporting clothes together etc. then block them into colour... you will see what you’ve got and find whatever you want in an instant. Make sure you pack away anything out of season to avoid confusion. Mend, launder or press any items in need of care. Lose anything too small, too big, the wrong cut, colour or fabric. It’s TODAY we’re talking about, not next year! Cook in bulk in the kitchen for quick meals from the freezer. Chopping veggies for a meal? Prepare twice the amount and you’ll have half the prep done for the next meal.
K.I.S.S. Making things complicated, creating something that’s complex does not serve your best interests. Follow the K.I.S.S rule - “Keep it Simple Stupid”. Keeping two diaries creates work for you when you have to transfer information between the two. Do you really need both? Cut back on non-essentials. Do you really LOVE making sixty hand-made Christmas cards each year? Feeling obliged to send a big whack of Christmas cards may be more important to you than it is to the recipients. Creating handwritten index cards for recipes is great.. if you have less than a dozen favourite recipes! Think about simplifying what you do and how you do it. Are you the Body Corporate secretary because no-one else put their hand up to do it?
PRIORITISING. Break down big jobs – scope the work by listing elements of the bigger picture. What’s the first step? The step after that? Note all the other steps and make sure to include the last tasks required to complete the project. What’s the most important thing I can be doing with my time right now? How can my energy best be spent? Eliminate stuff that is trivial (anything that has no long term consequences), or delegate.
DO IT NOW Write new phone numbers in your address book; put that CD away; make the two minute phone call. When you have photos developed, chuck the dodgy pics away immediately. Doing it later only serves to harm you. You will double handle, spend more energy, waste your valuable time. Don’t put it down – put it away! Or, if necessary – throw it away.
ASK YOURSELF Have I got better things to do with my time? Don’t reconcile your bank statements if you don’t have to. Don’t save newspapers because you’re “going to go through them...” Don’t tell yourself you’ll renovate that cupboard when you clearly won’t ever make the time.
KEEPING FAMILY LIFE REAL If you haven’t already, start by dropping your expectations. You will give yourself a breakdown if you feel your home always has to have a clean floor. Mess = life. That’s a good thing! Celebrate the activity that happens in your home. A home that looks lived in is normal. Magazine homes are often not. Photographers, Art Directors and Stylists are paid to make spaces look gorgeous – uncluttered and streamlined, but often wildly unrealistic (but you knew that, didn’t you?). Keep some balance though... “A place for everything and everything in it’s place” means you can always return items you’ll save time looking for “lost” things.
A COMMON MISTAKE – Procrastination Perfectionism is your enemy. Unsubscribe.
DOING THE RIGHT THING (effectiveness) Is more important than DOING THINGS RIGHT (efficiency) Focus on the right task, then focus on doing it properly. Watch your achievements grow...
Plan your time. Are you procrastinating because you’re allowing one little element to hold you up? Do it now! Effective and productive people FORCE themselves to do the tasks they least want to do. Do the toughest or worst part of the task first. Everything that follows will be easier. Procrastination will only make you feel bad, miss deadlines, miss opportunities, and stress you out. Don’t do it LATER. Organised people don’t do this. Later never comes. Do it now and cross it off the list. Daily achievements (no matter how small) and productivity mean staying motivated and feeling better about yourself.
Self-image
Andrew Matthews in his book "Being Happy" says ‘The world is a reflection of ourselves". Having a good self image of yourself is an incentive. Confident people always attract positive attention from people around them. So instead of saying "I can't do it", say "I will be able to do it." This would definitely improve others' impression of you. And they would more likely gyrate towards you, as they would be more confident when entrusting you to do things. In the process, you would make others happy which would also make you happy too. It is a circular interdependency process.
We do decide on what we want ourselves to be. If we tell ourselves that we are unhappy with something, we would definitely be unhappy even though we may not be so. But our body and brain believes what we want to believe. In the same way, if we tell ourselves that we are always happy and if we always look on the bright side of life, we would definitely live a life that is filled with happiness and positivism. Look into your life and ask yourself which part of my life am I unhappy about and if so, is it because I am really unhappy or is it because I just want to be unhappy with it? In most situations, by telling yourself that you are happy would rectify any unhappiness that you may experience.
"Most people are about as happy as they make up their mind to be" -- Abraham Lincoln
We do decide on what we want ourselves to be. If we tell ourselves that we are unhappy with something, we would definitely be unhappy even though we may not be so. But our body and brain believes what we want to believe. In the same way, if we tell ourselves that we are always happy and if we always look on the bright side of life, we would definitely live a life that is filled with happiness and positivism. Look into your life and ask yourself which part of my life am I unhappy about and if so, is it because I am really unhappy or is it because I just want to be unhappy with it? In most situations, by telling yourself that you are happy would rectify any unhappiness that you may experience.
"Most people are about as happy as they make up their mind to be" -- Abraham Lincoln
Sense of humour
"A Sense of humor can help you overlook the unattractive, tolerate the unpleasant, cope with the unexpected and smile through the unbearable." Moshe Waldoks
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Liquid Sculpture
Have a look at this: http://www.liquidsculpture.com/ It has pictures of some wonderful, er, splashes.
This way to Happiness
There is much truth in the statement, “Happiness is not pleasure. It is victory.” Happiness, it is safe to assume, is something everybody wants to have. It’s true that other people can give you pleasure, but you will never be happy until you do things for other people. Nothing brings more joy and happiness doing things for others that increase their enjoyment of life. Incidentally, happiness is not something you can buy with money, though it is true that adequate amount of money helps to eliminate some things that produce discomfort.
Studies reveal that people who are absorbed in tasks they enjoy and find challenging have taken a step toward happiness. Researchers have long recognized that people (particularly males) who are married are happier and live longer. People who are on a regular exercise program, keeping themselves physically in shape, particularly from an aerobic point of view, are happier.
An article in Psychology Today specifically states that one way to be happy is to “take care of the soul” The article points out that actively religious people tend to report more happiness and to cope better with crises. Faith provides a support community, a sense of life’s meaning, a reason to focus beyond self, and a timeliness perspective on life’s temporary ups and downs. A study conducted by David Jensen at UCLA covering a broad range of people from every walk of life concluded that people who set goals and develop a plan of action to reach them are happier and healthier, earn considerably more money, and get along better with the people at home than do people who have no clearly defined objectives. Consider this happiness factor as you set your goals.
Studies reveal that people who are absorbed in tasks they enjoy and find challenging have taken a step toward happiness. Researchers have long recognized that people (particularly males) who are married are happier and live longer. People who are on a regular exercise program, keeping themselves physically in shape, particularly from an aerobic point of view, are happier.
An article in Psychology Today specifically states that one way to be happy is to “take care of the soul” The article points out that actively religious people tend to report more happiness and to cope better with crises. Faith provides a support community, a sense of life’s meaning, a reason to focus beyond self, and a timeliness perspective on life’s temporary ups and downs. A study conducted by David Jensen at UCLA covering a broad range of people from every walk of life concluded that people who set goals and develop a plan of action to reach them are happier and healthier, earn considerably more money, and get along better with the people at home than do people who have no clearly defined objectives. Consider this happiness factor as you set your goals.
Attitude
Isn’t amazing how your attitude changes the way that you do things.
Case in point:
This morning I was very excited to be doing something positive. It was something that I had been looking forward to, but had put off for various reasons. When the day had finally arrived, I wasn’t thinking straight, making a number of mistakes because my mind was elsewhere.
The reverse is no doubt true – when we’re down, it shapes the way that we think and act.
Let’s be conscious of our moods and what they are doing to us and those people around us.
Case in point:
This morning I was very excited to be doing something positive. It was something that I had been looking forward to, but had put off for various reasons. When the day had finally arrived, I wasn’t thinking straight, making a number of mistakes because my mind was elsewhere.
The reverse is no doubt true – when we’re down, it shapes the way that we think and act.
Let’s be conscious of our moods and what they are doing to us and those people around us.
Respect
This is something that a student wrote, but that I felt was too good just to let lie where it was placed at that time. The students has elected to remain anonymous.
“Respect is all about regard for others – a deliberate choice to considers others’ well-being. The most difficult first step in learning respect is to take the focus off yourself. You also might practice the following:
· Commit to the golden rule – treat others as you desire to be treated.
· San “please” and “thank-you” whenever you can.
· Remind yourself that the other person is worthy of your kindness because he/she is a person.
· Use calm voice tones.
· Smile at others – it can help lift their bad moods.
· Celebrate differences between you an others – don’t expect them to change just for you.
· Do not judge, size up or criticise others.
· Tell yourself that you can’t read minds and you don’t know what suffering or issues other people may have had.
· Try and become more aware of people around you and how you can help them.
· Let someone else be first, right, in the spotlight etc.
· Be the first to say, “I’m sorry.”
· Stop demanding respect from others as much and start to lavish others with it.”Many thanks go to the student who put this together. I hope that others get as much from it as I have done.
“Respect is all about regard for others – a deliberate choice to considers others’ well-being. The most difficult first step in learning respect is to take the focus off yourself. You also might practice the following:
· Commit to the golden rule – treat others as you desire to be treated.
· San “please” and “thank-you” whenever you can.
· Remind yourself that the other person is worthy of your kindness because he/she is a person.
· Use calm voice tones.
· Smile at others – it can help lift their bad moods.
· Celebrate differences between you an others – don’t expect them to change just for you.
· Do not judge, size up or criticise others.
· Tell yourself that you can’t read minds and you don’t know what suffering or issues other people may have had.
· Try and become more aware of people around you and how you can help them.
· Let someone else be first, right, in the spotlight etc.
· Be the first to say, “I’m sorry.”
· Stop demanding respect from others as much and start to lavish others with it.”Many thanks go to the student who put this together. I hope that others get as much from it as I have done.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Communicating with Parents – the third partner in student development
Good communication between teachers and parents doesn't just happen. It requires special skills — such as good listening techniques, tact, kindness, consideration, empathy, enthusiasm, and an understanding of parent-child relationships. No matter how you interact with parents and the community at large — through conferences, telephone conversations, e-mail, written notes or reports, lobbying or fund-raising efforts, working together in the classroom — good communication and interpersonal skills will enhance your efforts.
Veteran teachers stress the importance of effective communication skills. We need to be honest and sensitive. Remember that you are talking about their most valuable family resource — their family's future. Always be tactful with parents. Think and plan what you are going to say to them, and how. Never be confrontational. Always speak in a pleasant voice, yet with firmness and authority when needed. Keep in mind that parents really love their children.
Writing about at-risk families and schools, L.B. Liontos lists other "beliefs" that teachers must adopt to work effectively with families:
All families have strengths.
Parents can learn new techniques.
Parents have important perspectives about their children.
Most parents really care about their children.
Cultural differences are both valid and valuable.
Many family forms exist and all are legitimate.
Recognize that schools and homes have shared goals. Both are committed to the nurturing, development, and education of children. Teachers must believe that parents have a crucial role in their children's education, and parents and teachers must trust each other.
Respect caregivers and communicate that respect. Tone of voice, word choice, facial expressions, body language, expectations, how long we make people wait — all these communicate respect or lack of it. Many parents have personal, family, work, health, or other problems that we know nothing about. Avoid being judgmental, and give parents the benefit of the doubt.
Acknowledge the changes in family circumstances. In most families, both parents work outside the home, including the families of school teachers. Yet many of us still think of this common lifestyle as an aberration. Further, millions of children come from single parent homes. Still others live with relatives or in foster homes.
Be positive! Parents enjoy positive communication, yet most teachers only make contact when something goes wrong.
Veteran teachers stress the importance of effective communication skills. We need to be honest and sensitive. Remember that you are talking about their most valuable family resource — their family's future. Always be tactful with parents. Think and plan what you are going to say to them, and how. Never be confrontational. Always speak in a pleasant voice, yet with firmness and authority when needed. Keep in mind that parents really love their children.
Writing about at-risk families and schools, L.B. Liontos lists other "beliefs" that teachers must adopt to work effectively with families:
All families have strengths.
Parents can learn new techniques.
Parents have important perspectives about their children.
Most parents really care about their children.
Cultural differences are both valid and valuable.
Many family forms exist and all are legitimate.
Recognize that schools and homes have shared goals. Both are committed to the nurturing, development, and education of children. Teachers must believe that parents have a crucial role in their children's education, and parents and teachers must trust each other.
Respect caregivers and communicate that respect. Tone of voice, word choice, facial expressions, body language, expectations, how long we make people wait — all these communicate respect or lack of it. Many parents have personal, family, work, health, or other problems that we know nothing about. Avoid being judgmental, and give parents the benefit of the doubt.
Acknowledge the changes in family circumstances. In most families, both parents work outside the home, including the families of school teachers. Yet many of us still think of this common lifestyle as an aberration. Further, millions of children come from single parent homes. Still others live with relatives or in foster homes.
Be positive! Parents enjoy positive communication, yet most teachers only make contact when something goes wrong.
How do we improve our own reflection capabilities?
"In our rapidly changing and confused age of unreason, which often places far more emphasis on hasty and unconsidered action than reflective learning, we are in grave danger of confusing leadership with expertise." McGill and Beaty (1995) explain that trainers must adapt their methods to accommodate the increasing need for student-centered learning, transferable skills, and closer links with industry. The authors explain, "In times of crisis or radical change, reflection becomes more important and also more difficult; it is at these times that we make powerful decisions about the future" (p. 21).
Schon (1983) emphasizes the need for today's leaders and managers to be more reflective in order to learn from their experiences, especially in today's increasing rate of change.
Beckhard and Pritchard (1992, p. 9) note, "Probably the most important single process involved in effective change in the process of learning while doing [italics is theirs]." McCaffrey (1994) found that while most students see themselves as reflective thinkers, traditional development methods provide few opportunities to think reflectively.
Schon (1983) emphasizes the need for today's leaders and managers to be more reflective in order to learn from their experiences, especially in today's increasing rate of change.
Beckhard and Pritchard (1992, p. 9) note, "Probably the most important single process involved in effective change in the process of learning while doing [italics is theirs]." McCaffrey (1994) found that while most students see themselves as reflective thinkers, traditional development methods provide few opportunities to think reflectively.
Monday, September 26, 2005
A little bit silly
If you go here:
http://www.reasonablyclever.com/mini/flash/minifig.swf
You can interpret yourself in Lego form, or a randomiser will come up with images for you.
My random one is a bit of a worry:
http://www.reasonablyclever.com/mini/flash/minifig.swf
You can interpret yourself in Lego form, or a randomiser will come up with images for you.
My random one is a bit of a worry:
We all should on ourselves
When you can't think straight, "should" is a good word to eliminate from your vocabulary. It resonates with judgment and guilt, and is often followed by a knee-jerk reaction rather than a deliberate decision. First, post this reminder on your telephone or daily calendar: "There are no shoulds." Then try this quick-lift.
Check your to-do list for any "shoulds." If you find any, ask a few questions: Am I doing this to avoid conflict? To look good? Out of guilt? Because I want to?
If you answer, "Because I want to," why are you perceiving it as a "should"? Reframe how you think about it, making it a choice. "I want to" energizes; "I have to" depletes.
If you can't say, "Because I want to," don't do it! Risk displeasing someone, ignore your ego, or find another way to deal with any guilt.
"Shoulding" indicates you have surrendered your power of choice and are following someone else's rules. The next time you find yourself thinking, "I should," ask yourself, "Who says?" The answer may surprise you.
Check your to-do list for any "shoulds." If you find any, ask a few questions: Am I doing this to avoid conflict? To look good? Out of guilt? Because I want to?
If you answer, "Because I want to," why are you perceiving it as a "should"? Reframe how you think about it, making it a choice. "I want to" energizes; "I have to" depletes.
If you can't say, "Because I want to," don't do it! Risk displeasing someone, ignore your ego, or find another way to deal with any guilt.
"Shoulding" indicates you have surrendered your power of choice and are following someone else's rules. The next time you find yourself thinking, "I should," ask yourself, "Who says?" The answer may surprise you.
Proactive
It’s amazing the effect that it has when you take the time to give a person a call to get back to them about something negative that has happened. They appreciate that yu have taken the time to be show that you are concerned about them and about how things eventually worked out.
It goes back to the notion that all of our relationships are in a constant state of flux. When we interact with a person, we each come away feeling better or worse about the relationship – never precisely the same.
Take some time to study the other people in your life and their reactions to what you’re saying. Done compassionately and attentively, even a difficult conversation can leave you both walking away feeling better about your relationship.
It goes back to the notion that all of our relationships are in a constant state of flux. When we interact with a person, we each come away feeling better or worse about the relationship – never precisely the same.
Take some time to study the other people in your life and their reactions to what you’re saying. Done compassionately and attentively, even a difficult conversation can leave you both walking away feeling better about your relationship.
I believe…
I believe …. That our background and circumstances have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.
I believe…. That no matter how good a friend is, they are going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I believe…. That just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.
I believe…. That true friendship continues to grow, even over longer distances. Same goes for true love.
I believe… that it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I believe… that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I believe… you can keep going, long after you think you can’t.
I believe… that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I believe… that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I believe… that heroes are people who do what has to be done, when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I believe… that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I believe…that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I believe… that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down, will be the ones to help you get back up.
I believe… that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.
I believe… that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthday’s you’ve celebrated.
I believe… that is isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I believe …that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
I believe…that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.
I believe… you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I believe…that two people can look at exactly the same thing and see something totally different.
I believe…that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you.
I believe…that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
I believe…that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I believe…that the people you care about most in life, are taken from you much too soon.I believe…that life is more precious than money will ever be able to be.
I believe…. That no matter how good a friend is, they are going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.
I believe…. That just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.
I believe…. That true friendship continues to grow, even over longer distances. Same goes for true love.
I believe… that it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I believe… that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I believe… you can keep going, long after you think you can’t.
I believe… that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I believe… that either you control your attitude or it controls you.
I believe… that heroes are people who do what has to be done, when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.
I believe… that money is a lousy way of keeping score.
I believe…that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.
I believe… that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down, will be the ones to help you get back up.
I believe… that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.
I believe… that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthday’s you’ve celebrated.
I believe… that is isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.
I believe …that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief.
I believe…that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.
I believe… you shouldn’t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.
I believe…that two people can look at exactly the same thing and see something totally different.
I believe…that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you.
I believe…that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.
I believe…that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.
I believe…that the people you care about most in life, are taken from you much too soon.I believe…that life is more precious than money will ever be able to be.
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Get back to work
After two weeks of holidays, it’s back to work tomorrow.
Whilst, it’s been great to have a break, I’m pleased to get back into it – they’ll stop paying me otherwise.
There are many challenges that await – from the strategic to the operational, from the enjoyable to the tense. But, that’s what life is all about.
May the enjoyable moments far outnumber the uncomfortable. May I continue to be able to see past the crud and remain focused on the positive.
Whilst, it’s been great to have a break, I’m pleased to get back into it – they’ll stop paying me otherwise.
There are many challenges that await – from the strategic to the operational, from the enjoyable to the tense. But, that’s what life is all about.
May the enjoyable moments far outnumber the uncomfortable. May I continue to be able to see past the crud and remain focused on the positive.
Quotes
"Form the habit of saying 'Yes' to a good idea. Then write down all the reasons why it will work. There will always be plenty of people around you to tell you why it won't work."--- Gil Atkinson
"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within." Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within." Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
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