Better Leadership Through Better Communication by Scott Love

Better Leadership Through Better Communication by Scott Love

I told my son about a movie that I rented last week. "It was called ‘Lord of the Rings,’ Dagsen." "What was in the movie, Daddy?" "It had kings, monsters, elves, and rings." "Did your movie have any bath tubs in it, Daddy?"
"No, son. There were no bath tubs in it." I tried not to ask, but I couldn’t help it. I finally had to know. "Dagsen, why did you ask if there were bath tubs in the movie?"
"Because of the rings," he responded. Ah, yes, of course. Bath tub rings. His interpretation of what I said reminded me of the time we were driving through our neighborhood and he asked me why houses have garages and carports. I told him that it was to protect the cars from the elements. When I told him this, he burst into laughter. "Daddy, you’re silly! There are no elephants in this neighborhood!"

When it comes to communication, there’s always a chance for an unanticipated misunderstanding. If we knew when misunderstandings were about to occur, we could head them off and be more specific and clear in our communication. But we can’t. All we can do is polish up our skills of conveying the message. To help people understand exactly what you are saying, your effectiveness in delivering your message needs to develop into a core competency. And your ability to clear up a misunderstanding should become a mastered skill.
Communication is a key element (not elephant) of leadership. It’s probably one of the most powerful tools in your management tool belt. Yet when was the last time you sharpened that skill? There are five key concepts that must be followed to prevent and manage misunderstandings.

1. First, when you communicate a message, you need to make sure the timing is appropriate for delivery to make sure the message is understood. Think about the time you had three radio stations playing at the same time. Not only is it confusing, it’s maddening, it’s irritating.

2. If you have to deliver bad news, anticipate the feelings that could be a derivative of the message. Anticipate, empathize, validate, and understand. If what you are saying is upsetting to the other person, you can’t tell them that their feelings aren’t valid. "You shouldn’t feel that way," or, "Don’t feel that way," will only cause their feelings of anxiety or whatever they are to transition to feelings of frustration and possibly move on to rage. There is a crisis of understanding in our society, and if the other person doesn’t feel understood and validated, then you’ve just lost points in the respect and affiliation game. All feelings are valid and your understanding of this will bring them closer to you. When Tom Nelson, CEO of Charlotte-based National Gypsum Company, was a White House Fellow he had a chance to observe Colin Powell’s leadership style. He saw that Powell was always congnizant and conscientious whenever he gave a command as to how that order would cause the troops to respond on an emotional level. Being sensitive to this doesn’t mean you are a pushover or that your focus on mission accomplishment is any less. It means that you are an empathic leader, and that you try to understand what’s going on in the hearts and minds of your team. Simply by doing this, you are more effective in how you issue those commands and you draw your followers closer to you as a leader, which is what every leader wants. When you lead this way your staff will respond with all their heart and soul to your requests, and sometimes that little difference makes all the difference in giving an organization a competitive edge. The enthusiasm and commitment energy of the team can help bring that team to a whole new level of innovation, performance and achievement, simply by you becoming a leader who can empathize on an emotional level in how you communicate.

3. When they do respond with emotions of anger, sorrow, or anything else that wasn’t exactly what you anticipated, you need to treat this single conversation as if it was your most important. Your attention must focus with intensity to resolving this misunderstanding. Close the door, press the ‘do not disturb’ button on your phone and put everything on the back burner until you resolve this issue.

4. Communicate back to them what you are perceiving. "You seem angry, Joe." This validates that you understand their emotions. People are finally starting to admit the fact that the world of work is filled with emotion.

5. It’s okay to disagree over something, as long as you convey understanding. As your conversation moves on, you could say, "I understand your feelings and they are valid. I can see your point. I do disagree on what we need to do, though, because. . ." Most people are fine with disagreeing on something as long as there is legitimate empathy and understanding between each other. They just want to be heard. When I was a young naval officer on a ship, I took the time to just listen to my sailors. Even if I disagreed with what they had said, they knew that I understood them and it made it that much easier for them to follow the order. When you empathize, you get the team to give their heart and soul, not just the bare minimum effort.
Follow these steps to ensuring that your message was met with understanding, and that your understanding of your team’s response is conveyed to them as well. It’s this little difference in how you deliver the message that makes all the difference in how people respond to your communication. And when it comes to leadership, communication is the sacred ring that keeps the team together.