Listen, and Improve Your Performance!

By Kellie Fowler

Stop Talking
Simple as it may seem, the most important thing to remember is to stop talking.
Pay Attention to the Purpose and the WordsOnce you do this, commit the time and attention needed to actually hear the sender’s message. In doing this, you may find it most useful to, whenever possible, establish your purpose for listening even before the communication begins. For instance, consider what you want your listening efforts to achieve. This can help ensure the results you (and the person you are listening to) can be obtained.

Eliminate Distractions
Next, concentrate on the message by eliminating internal and external distractions. For instance, if you are listening as a member of a group, work to ensure other members do not enter the meeting late, or exit early – both of which can distract the person speaking, as well as disrupt those listening. And, if you are having a one-on-one meeting with someone, work to eliminate distractions such as phone calls or interruptions from another colleague.

Take Notes Using Shorthand or Key Words Only
While listening, it’s perfectly acceptable to take notes. However, when taking notes, make sure to pay close attention, which includes making periodic eye contact, asking questions and paying attention to the non-verbal messages (body language, tone changes, etc.) being sent to you by the speaker. Even the best listener will find this difficult. Therefore, when taking notes, write down only key words or phrases, the things you will need to trigger the message instead of writing down complete thoughts or sentences, which can distract you from listening. (Obviously, remember to expand notes afterwards, while the meaning of these key phrases is still fresh in your mind).

Ask Questions
Questions are a vital component of effective listening. Instead of interrupting the speaker, try jotting down a word or two that will help you recall the questions that come to mind while you are listening. Again, this should not interrupt your listening; rather enhance it. This way, when the speaker has finished talking, you have what you need to ask relative, informed questions, which will help ensure you interpret the sender’s message correctly.

"Parroting" is a Must
Parroting is one of the strongest tools you can use to ensure you are an effective listener. This includes repeating the message back to the sender. This allows the sender of the message to clarify any misunderstandings.
Follow-Up is KeyOnce you are reasonably sure you have heard the message and understand the message sender’s intent, you will undoubtedly find it beneficial to follow-up with a written clarification, one that serves to highlight the most important parts of the message, such as deadlines, project goals, costs, concerns, etc. This can be done in a quick email or memo. When doing this, it is most productive to request a reply. This is just one additional step you can take to ensure you heard the message and interpreted it correctly.

Remain Flexible and Observant (before, during and after communication process)
Most importantly, when working to optimize your listening skills, remain flexible and observant. Work to understand the reason the communication is taking place (considering the objectives of the sender, taking into account any mental, emotional, physical or even environmental or cultural factors that may influence this). Observe the sender and be flexible and open to his or her needs. This may require agreeing on a meeting place that is quiet, or perhaps even neutral (not one of your personal office spaces, but a meeting or conference room) or even on a meeting time outside of the times you normally would attend meetings. For instance, if you know the sender of the message is at his or her best in the morning, consider adjusting your schedule ever so slightly to better accommodate this individual preference.

By taking extra steps such as this, you put the message sender at ease, which will help alleviate any confusion and allow you to hear loud and clear everything the sender is working to convey.

Balance Ensures Effective Listening Success
As always, balance is the key to effective listening. The conversation between the message sender and the message receiver is a delicate dance and, even though your goal may be to simply hear the message, it requires give and take from both parties, from the beginning stages of the communication process down to the end, or to the last word.

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack.

The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: October 16, 2004

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones.

I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!

Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is hot down here!

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour... Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

What is success?
To laugh often and much.
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children.
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends.
To appreciate beauty.
To find the best in others.
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition.
To know one life has breathed easier because you have lived. That is to have succeeded.

A Few of My Favourite Lines(To the tune of My Favourite Things)

Careless, unfocused, does not pay attention;
Homework is sloppy;
there's more…dare I mention?
These are a few of my favorite lines,
I cut and paste them at least thirty times.
Focused, productive, and so conscientious;
Fully prepared, and is never pretentious…
These are the fun ones I save until last,
If there were more it would be such a blast.

Writing comments is demanding,
Rarely seems like fun.
I know I must do it,
so I hunker down.
I'm so glad when they are done.

Writing those comments is so time consuming,
Procrastinate when the deadline is looming.
Some are so difficult, some are a breeze.
Then there're the ones I make sure no one sees.

Rude and disruptive, obnoxious, sarcastic,
Needs consequences that might seem too drastic.
Parents are nasty, don't cooperate,
Always maintaining their kid is so great.

When my comments are not finished,
And they're overdue,
I cut and I paste and I change a few names,
And then I can say I'm through.

Song lyrics copyright 2005 Eric Baylin

Chinese Bamboo Tree

You take a little seed, plant it, water it, and fertilize it for a whole year, and nothing happens. The second year you water it and fertilize it, and nothing happens. The third year you water it and fertilize it, and nothing happens. How discouraging this becomes!

The fifth year you continue to water and fertilize the seed and then---take note. Sometime during the fifth year, the Chinese bamboo tree sprouts and grows NINETY FEET IN SIX WEEKS!

Life is much akin to the growing process of the Chinese bamboo tree.

It is often discouraging. We seemingly do things right, and nothing happens. But for those who do things right and are not discouraged and are persistent, things will happen. Finally we begin to receive the rewards.

I am now receiving the rewards of seeds that were planted 5 years ago. You are as well. Are you getting the results you want? If not, begin today to sow the seeds of what you want 5 years from now.

Remember, if you keep doing what you've always done, you'll get the results you've always gotten. By Dan Miller

TO: You DATE: Today

FROM: A Friend
SUBJECT: YOURSELF
REFERENCE: LIFE

· If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. All situations will be resolved, but in MY time, not yours.
· Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now.
· If you find yourself stuck in traffic, don’t despair… there are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.
· Should you have a bad day at work… Think of the person who has been out of work for years.
· Should you grieve the passing of another weekend… think of the person in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.
· Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance… think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.
· Should you notice a grey hair in the mirror… think of the cancer patients in chemo who wish they had hair to examine.
· Should you find yourself the victim of other people’s bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities… remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!

Sickness Wildfire

One of the joys of having children is when on of them gets sick with some sort of communicable vomiting bug.

First one of them gets it, then the millisecond that they start to feel better, the other one gets it and so forth.

With trepidation you watch it cut a swath through the family, watching it get ever closer to you, until you start to "not feel right". You take medicines, eat healthy foods, get lots of rest, but all to no avail - you still end up driving the por celain bus, instantly feeling better.

Cheers

In this moment is everything you need to live with richness and joy. Can you see it?
If you use this moment merely to wish for more, you'll miss out on most of the value that could be yours right now. If you fill this moment with worries about the problems you face, you'll miss out on the opportunity to transcend those problems. Instead, find as much as you can about this moment that you can genuinely appreciate. And as you do, the real value of this moment will become more and more available to you.

The options open to you in this moment are more numerous than you can imagine. Find a few of the best of those possibilities, and bring them lovingly to life. In this moment there is real magic. For in this moment your precious life is lived.

Let all the anger, the worries, frustrations and distractions fall away. And let this moment come to life.

-- Ralph Marston

Medical Experiment

Recently we had an evening together with another family. Our combination of five kids was being well behaved, playing and generally enjoying each other’s company. As a reward we gave them a small amount of chocolate and it all went south.
Were they excited to get chocolate, so they behaved excitedly and strangely?

Is there something in the line of thinking that chocolate and other sweet foods are anagrams for "really badly behaved children"?

It was just strange, because not long after that they all calmed down.

Weird.

Bird Tales

Today I went into the back yard to find a magpie. It wasn’t one that I recognised, as we have four that hand around our place and I care enough about them to be able to remember what they look like – their markings are really quite different. I have grown quite fond of the parents and they seem to be good magpie parents, raising young ones at regular intervals. They have also become quite used to me, taking food from me when I remember to put it out.
Back to strange one in the back yard. It didn’t seem "right", so I approached it for a closer look. It had obviously been attacked, as one leg was quite badly injured and its feathers seemed scruffy. I took pity on it and went inside to get some meat for it. As soon as I gave it the meat, the resident magpies all swooped in and attacked it. Their cries and the cries of the injured bird brought in more magpies. The resident magpies then attacked them and chased them off, then they returned to attacking the injured bird.

I was surprised to see the birds which I have become quite trusting of be so seemingly vicious. I guess I can’t comprehend why they were so aggressive – probably defending their territory. I wonder if they look at me and not be able to work me out? Perhaps I’m attributing too much to some birds…

Cheers

You're Fog

You're like the fog on a winter’s morning,
You sneak into my yard,
You’re so beautiful, yet so cold,
And to embrace you is so hard.
You waft in uninvited,
Your touch on everything,
You’re seemingly everywhere at once,
And a clamminess you often bring.
But, I’m often glad to see you,
For when you’re gone I’m fine,
Your departure is a thing of joy,
It’s often followed by sun shine.

Cheers

Mobile Blogging

I notice on the Dashboard page that you can no participate in "Mobile Blogging".

What the ...?

With the pace of technology and the changes that this suggests, I don't know whether to be excited or scared silly. I suppose that for some dedicated or deeply enthusiastic people, being in touch with your blog is important. I've found it difficult to keep up with = perhaps it's a mind set thing? A commitment thing? Dearly beloved we are gathered here today to witness the betroval between this person and their blog?

In any case, good luck to the mobile bloggers. May it fill whatever void that you have and that you are happy. I understand enthusiasms which border on obessions well, having a few myself - I'm the last to criticise.

Cheers

The carpet cleaners were due quite soon,
I raced around our home,
We had to pick things up,
So over the carpets the cleaners could roam.
I found my missing car keys,
A relief I’m telling you,
I had not seen them since,
The summer of ’92.
I found four hundred dollars,
As the furniture I rearranged,
The money was of the mobile sort,
Made up of just small change.
I found a few expired credit cards,
But a surprise was in store,
They belonged to the people that,
Owned the house before.
Dust bunnies were breeding rampantly,
Of them scared I am,
In one room the had taken over,
So to the other side I swam.
Many meals were hiding everywhere,
Stashed by our children two,
Mostly comprising shrivelled vegetables,
No surprise, I’m telling you.
But most surprising surprise of all, (hee hee)
Was the next to confront me,
Was quivering in an isolated corner –
It was child number three!
The little soul had been lost,
From its time from the womb,
Quivering in isolation.
In our crowded junk room.
No, that’s not strictly possible,
I’m wandering off my tale,
That’s no surprising surprise there, (hee hee),
I’m a surprising kind of male. (Surprisingly, hee hee heeeeee!)
But the carpet cleaners were impressed,
My efforts made them smile,
Their job was somewhat easier,
Much easier by a mile.
Their steam cleaner went to work,
Depositing the excess on the ground,
But when I finally went outside,
This is the surprise I found –
With the deposits from the carpet,
A large amount of soil was now there,
At the surprising magnificence of the mound,
I could only surprisingly stare.
It towered above our dwelling,
It dwarfed our surprised trees,
It shocked the abundant wildlife,
It scared the surprised bees.
So, I spread it out a little,
A surprising plan I began to hatch,
This soil would be perfect for,
A little vege patch.
But before I could plant a thing,
Plants began to grow,
Our carpet was surprisingly richly rich
In seeds and spores, you know.
The produce was rare and rich,
Surprising in its diversity,
The things that grew were award winning,
Which was a surprise to me.
We fed the homeless and the desperate,
The busy and the bored,
Surprisingly I then won,
A humanitarian award.
So, now we leave the carpet alone,
Free from being clean,
We water it every single day,
To see what from it we can glean.
The moral of the story is simple,
Surprises are everywhere,
And if your carpet’s a little dirty,
You need not even care.
Surprisingly.

Cheers