Stranger Danger

A new student to the school was in the playground yesterday, obviously upset over something. I went up to him and started speaking to him, in an effort to soothe him and help him with whatever was going on at that moment.

To which he replied, “My Mum told me not to speak to strangers and I don’t know who you are.”

I had nothing.

Inside Out

I’m happy and content,
I’m calm and excited,
I’m confident and positive,
I’m smiling and delighted.

I’m twisted and I’m bitter,
I’m depressed and angry,
I’m brittle and I’m worried,
I’m frowning and embrace apathy.

I’m putting on a brave face,
The first stanza’s what I’m for,
To put on a positive outlook,
As with it my insides wage a war.

Context

I was waiting for our family to get ready recently and Oprah was on the tele speaking to couples about the circumstances surrounding an affair that one member of the marriage had undertaken.

I was surprised that every example was of the man having the affair and what it did to the marriage and family. Don’t women have affairs? Is it easier for Oprah to degrade the man? Or, am I simply paranoid.

In any case, it led to one of those “heart in your mouth” times. As the girls were still getting ready, my wife turned to me and said, “I need to talk to you about something.”

Well, after 30 mins of affair scenarios, I thought that she was going to tell me she was having one. It turned out that she wanted to talk about which shops we were going to.

Talk about the context taking over thought processes …

We’ve all had teachers who go through the motions. But then there is an extraordinary breed of teacher who is able to engage students in learning through the use of all manner of motivating methods.

Case in point: a teacher I know is using the “build a better mouse trap” idea. Students are researching all types of non-lethal mousetraps. This means that they have read, write, perform calculations, interact, socialize, use the internet, design, draw, test, hypothesize etc. A cunning trap indeed – using a design brief to lure the students into using and extending their academic skills.

Then, an older class has been given the task of assessing the efforts of the other class. There are all sorts of benefits of peer assessment for both the assessor and assessed. It allows the assessment to be done by people with a greater understanding of how a person of that age would approach the task. It allows the assessor to evaluate how they would have responded to the task. It gives them a sense of being more of a partner in the educative process. I could go on for some time.

The kicker is that the traps are based on measurements taken from live mice – size, weight, reach etc. I drew the line at letting the mice be used to test the traps.

In any case, I raise my glass to those teachers who see their classrooms as four walls that contain the future.

Fridays

Do you anticipate the weekend with relish? Do you gradually lift in spirit as the working week passes?

I can’t help but wonder if this has an affect on our work, be it positive or negative. Perhaps a Monday is a good day to get in and get things done, to set yourself up for the week, given that you’ve had a good chance to rest and recharge over the weekend.

Then, as the week progresses, you could debate either way how you respond. Your energy may drain away as the week continues, with you getting less and less done as you look towards the horizon that is where the working week meets the weekend.

On the other side of the coin, you may actually get more done as the week progresses, as your mood improves, particularly if you’ve had a heavy weekend and have come to work at the start of the week feeling run-down.

I read recently that Monday is the most productive day, followed by Thursday, Wednesday, Tuesday and Friday. I don’t know that I agree. I find it depends on what’s going on and if there’s a deadline. Often, my deadlines are a Friday or Monday, meaning that I often have to burn the midnight oil at the end of the week.

Chainsaw Therapy

Stressed? Angry? Think that no-one cares? Need to release a little tension?

Buy a chain saw.
I don’t mean level all of the trees on your block or chase that annoying person down the road with it. I enjoy cutting up a tree that has fallen down, as it looks like a mess when it’s laying there, then the area looks so much better when you’ve cut it up and removed it.

The other enjoyable factor is that as you’re cutting the tree up you’re thinking, “Now, if I didn’t have the chain saw, this would take me until my mother-in-law defrosts.”

I Know Famous People

It’s amazing how well I know famous people. I’ve seen their movies. This has led me to understand their character types, even though they have played diverse roles. I’ve seen interviews with them recorded in scholarly magazines. This has enabled me to read between the lines to get key insights into their personalities. I have made my mind up about what I think that they are like.

And I am wrong.

I recently saw extended interviews with Mark Wahlberg and Jim Carrey, both of whom are actors that I enjoy seeing in action. Both are very diverse in the roles that they accept, both are people that I admire. Both interviewed very poorly. It irks me when I hear about their troubles with drugs/alcohol/medications, their arrest records etc. and then them say that they were so bad, but now they’re so good. It makes me ill to hear how school was irrelevant and that they made their own way. It angers me about how they say family is so important to them now, when all through their lives they have not paid attention to their family.

The whole, “I was no bad, but now I’m at peace,” message gets tiring and I was disappointed that these two people elected to play that role in their respective interviews.

So, what can I learn from this? Perhaps it’s that people that I admire are only people, just like I’m one. Perhaps it’s that these people are subject to following trends, just like I do (occasionally, and usually after the trend is no longer a trend). Perhaps it’s that I can’t understand someone from what I’m given by the print and film industries.

Perhaps I should find other people to admire, ones that are near me and who I know well.

Office Points Challenge

This was sent ot me by email, but it sure make me chuckle!

One point Challenge

1. Run one lap around the office at top speed.
2. Groan out loud in the bathroom cubicle (at least one other non-player must be in the bathroom at the time).
3. Ignore the first five people who say good morning to you.
4. Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
5. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
6. Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say "sorry, I really prefer it this way."
7. Walk sideways to the photocopier.
8. While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

Three point Challenge

9. Say to your boss, I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.
10. Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it."
11. Page yourself over the intercom (do not disguise your voice).
12. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must bee a non-player within sight).
13. Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

Five point Challenge

14. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points of you actually launch into it yourself).
15. Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on and off 10 times.
16. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as "Bob."
17. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you really have to go do a number two.
18. After every sentence, say "mon" in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in "the report is on your desk, mon." Keep this us for one hour.
19. While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.
20. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up."
21. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce "As god is my witness, I'll never go hungry again."
22. In a colleague's diary, write in 10am: "See how I look in tights."
23. Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "You wanna trade?"
24. Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person: "Do you hear that?" "What," "Never mind, it's gone now."
25. Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, "I can't talk about it."
26. Posing as a maitre d', call a colleague and tell him that he has won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
27. Speak with an accent during a very important conference call.
28. Find a vacuum and start vacuuming around you desk.
29. Hang a two foot long piece of toilet paper form the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.

Weight Loss

More power to the people who have pulled off feats of self-reduction. I'm fat - you need to know that. But around me are lots of people who have lost a lot of weight.

Good on them, I say.

It does make me feel quite inadequate though, as they share their stories about how good they feel and how it has improved their lives. This does allow them to remember how people feel when you run the fat joke routine on them - each one of these people has made a fat joke about me recently. I don't remember making one about them.

Perhaps I'm being too sensitive.

Three Takes on a Music Box

I bought one of my daughters a music box today - it got me thinking and inevitably some ideas resulted:

Music Box Dancer

It's just some flimsy craftwood,
With a plastic figure inside,
It has that discordant music,
Of which I can't abide.
It plays on with no respite,
The same tune without pause,
Remarkable in its unremarkableness,
Interesting in that it bores.
But to my daughter it's a fairy princess,
Asked out to the ball,
The women all comment on her beauty,
And the men - see enchants them all.
She twirls in place so effortlessly,
At one with the palace band,
She captivates all that see her,
She has a power we don't understand.
For to me it's just a music box,
To my daughter it means a lot,
For she still can dream and wonder,
Which I skill I've forgot.
So, together we watch the dancer,
She gently takes my hand,
I forget my pain and cynicism,
And begin to understand.

The Music Box

She lay on the floor for hours,
The new music box held her gaze,
She could watch and listen raptly,
And do this for many days.
She wished she was the dancer,
So she trained every day,
She trained while kids watched tele,
She trained while outside they played.
She kept the music box to remind her,
Of the power of such grace,
She conversed with the figure often,
A longing etched in her face.
She trained under many teachers,
For the best she danced,
Until they could teach her nothing,
For she was too advanced.
Now she dances in schools and halls,
Shunning pretentious places,
And the children look up in wonder,
With the same longing in their faces.

Dancer in a Box

The music box was played often,
It was the highlight of her day,
To lose herself in fantasy,
To dream a bit through play.
But one day there was a note inside,
"Dear friend, I have to go,
I'm sorry to leave on such short notice,
But I'm in love with GI Joe."

Poetry Challenge Pt 2

This one - a dark take on the guy who always gets the girls unloading their personal problems onto him:

You don’t know me by my name,
But you know who I am,
I’m the guy that the girls confide in,
I’m sweet as a new-born lamb.
My ears are large and prominent,
My mouth, it tends to run,
My hands stay to my side,
I giggle when I have fun.
But my ears are made for listening,
My mouth asks the right things,
I never try to touch a girl,
And security to them that brings.
They tell me about their boyfriends,
The unfeeling things that they do,
They ask me questions about sex,
And to them I answer true.
Then they complain again, some more,
I’m sympathetic and a little coy,
I’m not a man that wants to bed them,
I’m just a funny kind of boy.
Then they worry about their boyfriend,
About never treating them right,
Then I reassure them ever so gently,
And then I hold them tight.
Then they fret about their boyfriend,
I tell them he’s being unfair,
I tell them they deserve much better,
Then I French braid their hair.
Then they cry about their boyfriend,
I tell them that it’s done,
It’s time for them to be themselves,
And make themselves number one.
Then they smile through their tears,
And hug me oh so tight,
They see me in a whole new way,
Like they have just seen the light.

Choose your own ending – Number 1:

They tell me I’m not like other men,
I understand what a woman feels,
I tell them I don’t want a relationship,
I want to wear their dresses and high heels.


Number 2:

They tell me I’m not like other men,
I smile and sing them a song,
Now they’re putty in my hands,
What I wanted all along.

Number 3:

They tell me I’m not like other men,
I tell them I’ll be true,
I tell them I understand them completely,
Because I’m a woman too.

Flyinging Gnomes from Hell

Challened to write a poem with the above title, this was what I came up with:

The lava boiled and sprayed the souls,
The ash choked them all as well,
The gases raised pustules on the skin,
Of the wretched souls of Hell.
The demons flayed the damned with glee,
The Hellspawn the brave did fell,
But the most feared of all the creatures,
Were the Flyinging Gnomes from Hell.
They fed on the pain of others,
Suffering was their wine,
Cries of anguish sustained their being,
Throughout all of time.
They looked just like you and me,
Until they were enraged,
Then their demonic chromosomes fired,
And their evil countenances were engaged.
They shot sparks and flame from their fingers,
Their skin a glistening red,
They grasped a pitchfork in their hands,
And had two horns on their head.
Their teeth were pure carnivore,
Their eyes a smouldering green,
Their wings that folded on their backs,
Had an oily kind of sheen.
But Hell could no longer fetter them,
They had to break away,
So, they crashed through the Gates of Hell,
To rule the Earth from today.
They smiled as they met the sun,
Creatures so hideously spawned,
They would rule mercilessly,
On this day that Evil dawned.
They decided to cut through the park,
Destroying any trace of green,
Setting fire to anything living,
So that only ashes could be seen.
But being gnomes they were a little short,
And the power left them drugged,
So, before ten minutes had passed,
Each gnome had been mugged.
Sure that their luck had been wretched,
They walked up to the street,
But it was peak pedestrian traffic,
And they were crushed by many feet.
Rallying bravely they engaged their wrath,
These humans they would fell,
After all they were the most feared,
Flyinging Gnomes from Hell.
Their chromosomes transformed their visages,
They rose to full height,
They would cow these arrogant beings,
So, they took off in formation flight.
The Star Wars Program detected them,
Before one kilometer could they pass,
And soon each one flew much faster,
With a rocket up its, well, you get the idea.
With pride dented, but still functioning,
They landed needing repair,
Just as a bus flashed along the road,
And wiped the gnomes from there.
They took refuge on a building’s steps,
From them flames began to pour,
Their vengeance would start with this place,
But then a fireman walked out the door.
They had selected a fire station,
From which to launch their attack,
The firemen thought the gnomes were bombs,
So, from around the back,
Came the Bomb Disposal Unit,
Which was ready in just a trice,
It could extinguish flame and freeze a bomb,
Halon and Liquid Nitrogen is so nice.
And so, Flyinging Gnomes from Hell,
Lasted just one morn,
Now they’re frozen and preserved,
Just gnomes on a fireman’s lawn.

Irrefusable (Yes, that’s not a word)

For the last little while I’ve been riding my bicycle to work, as a form of exercise and of mental therapy, well, well-being. However, today I brought the car.

Our 7 year-old daughter came to me yesterday afternoon and asked of I was taking the car tomorrow. I stated that I would probably ride and the spiel began:

“But, because it’s Friday, I thought that we could do something nice. You could have a day off riding and relax. I could come with you and we could stop at the bakery. You could get a bagel and an iced coffee and I could get a strawberry milk and a bun. We could take them to school and while we ate them, I could draw you a picture.”

Sold.

Brave

This afternoon it rained heavily. I had the bike at school. It hadn’t rained for a little while, so the crud on the road lifts and makes the road slippery. I had the road bike, with the skinny tyres and not a lot of water pumping power. Visibility would be minimal. Cars couldn’t see me either.

Be brave. Bum a lift home.

Give Someone a Present, Change Many Lives

I tried something this week. Everyone who came into my office (staff, I mean) got a present. They were things that didn’t cost me a lot, but they were lumped together in a box. When the person came in I made an off-hand comment like, “I bought some of these on the weekend for a party and these are the ones left over, so take a few if you like.”

No, it’s not a bribe. I think it’s a way of giving a gift to someone without the awkwardness of giving a gift away from a formal occasion i.e. a birthday.

In any case, the reaction was supremely satisfying – it brightened the day of many.

Changing Tastes

Is there no let up to the culinary delights on offer at your local supermarket?

My current object of desire is a pizza-base-like product that comes in herb and garlic; sun-dried tomato; or parmesan cheese flavours. Think of it as an appetizer at a pizza place. It starts as a compressed consistency, but rises in the over to be a fluffy, yet filling delight. What’s even better is that the kids don’t like it.

We had one and now it’s a staple. Whoever comes up with these things is a genius. Nobel prize, even.

Dinosaurs vs Mammals

The fax machine story reminded me of another one. For seven years our computer server slogged away in the most hostile environment imaginable. Housed in a little room off the library, it was subjected to unimaginable heat. The room wasn’t sealed, so much dust, grit and dirt covered everything. This was a worry, as the tape drive in it backed up all of our data on a daily basis. Lose the server, lose data and be crippled in terms of the network.

For years it worked flawlessly. Then, I much pressure was put on me to replace it. I relented after 18 months of statements ranging from suggestions to threats to car bombs. The new server was ordered, took 2 months to build and configure and another month to be installed. It was big and black and had a little blue neon light on the front. We all applauded and sighed in admiration.

For weeks it walked unconvincingly. It sounded like a jet engine. It backed up most times, but not every time. Then, on the last day of school, the hard drive failed. Which corrupted the tape we had inserted. The techs came and took the tower away and another tape from the day before (we have 14 days worth). But they took the wrong tape and we lost 8 days of data (long story).

For a week we (well, other people, not really me, I just shake my head from time to time) have toiled to restore the data and perform the tasks that should have been done last December. That was completed today. When the machine backed up the data, it corrupted it and it seems to be really … broken.

So, I guess this is a case of the dinosaurs outlasting the mammals.